Tales From Beta Reader: Storm
by storm-brain
Summary: “Where for godssakes have you been? Have you seen the archive lately? Are you on sabbatical? Have you retired?” The computer screen warped and the Muse dragged herself out, sitting cross-legged on top of Storm’s bookshelf. Part of the Beta Reader series


Storm crossed her arms, scowling at the face in her computer screen. "No no no no no. I am _done_ with fanfiction, remember? I stayed on for a year. I wrote all the damned stories that you told me to do. I campaigned for all those unhappy characters. I fought in two flame wars. Isn't that _enough?_"

Beta frowned. "You said you would do oneshots."

"I've reconsidered," storm-brain scowled. "Where for godssakes have you _been_? Have you _seen_ the archive lately? Are you on sabbatical? Have you retired?" The computer screen warped and the Muse dragged herself out, sitting cross-legged on top of Storm's bookshelf.

"No one else seems to be making an effort to change things," the Muse pointed out.

"SO TALK TO SHEVA!" storm-brain bellowed, waving her arms around in the air. "I am _done,_ do you hear me? Oh, and what was the frakking deal with Wasted Wishes?"

Beta frowned. "What do you mean what was with it?"

Storm shuddered. "Morbid."

The muse looked offended. "Hey. I gave you the idea. _You _were the one that wrote it."

"Maybe," she conceded. "Well, what do you want? Which character is POed? Who has been neglected? What plotline has been overused? Does Artemis disapprove of Thluke? Does Aphrodite wish her daughters would stop joining the Hunt?"

"No need to be sarcastic," Beta frowned. "I had actually been thinking about you."

Storm blinked. "Me?" She frowned at her word document. "If you want to help _me_ you can think of a better ending then _this_." Beta moved to examine it.

"Hey! You kill Melanie in your NaNo?"

"It isn't really my NaNo anymore. And it isn't _that _Melanie anyway. And who else do you _want_ me to kill?"

"Sonya and Marisol. And Roy. They irritate me."

"Unfortunatly, it isn't a fanfiction so you have no control."

"I could make you want to write a fanfiction so much that you abandon this…"

"Don't you dare!" storm flicked a piece of hair over her shoulder, just as the song coming from the speaker changed. She opened her iTunes window, right clicked on the song, and deleted it. "I hate this song."

"Anyway," Beta continued, "You should-"

"You know what you should do? You should explain this song to me." The muse cocked her ear to the music, listening. All she caught was something about Jerusalem bells ringing and Roman choirs singing. And something about ruling the world. *

"Sorry. Music isn't my department. But no. When I was thinking of you I was thinking of your cul- your group."

"Political party," Storm corrected through gritted teeth. "The Veritas."

"Yes, them. You. Whichever. Nice avatar by the way." Storm shrugged slightly.

"The flamer one was better than the editor one."

"Yes, the geek squad cars added a nice effect, didn't they." Storm sighed, pushing the rolling chair back from the desk and turning around. "Fine. You win. What about the Veritas?"

Beta lifted on shoulder, and storm-brain realized something was missing. "Where's your guinea pig?"

"He gets cybersick when I pull him through computer cables."

Storm couldn't think of anything better to say than "Oh."

"_Anyway_. You're not characters, but-" the door flew open and the whole hunters of Artemis ran in.

"Beta," They all choursed in a whiny voice. Storm looked alarmed at having all these people parade through her bedroom.

A hunter ran forward to the front of the group. "Thalia says that if I don't be quiet she'll write a fanfiction about me. So don't give her any ideas, okay?"

"WHAT THE FROGS, PEOPLE!" Storm bellowed, standing up. "I'M TRYING TO WRITE. OUT! OUT!" she waved her arms over her head, trying to herd the Hunt towards the door. When they had all been shepherded out, she turned back to Beta. "That means you, too. Make it quick."

"Ok. Ok." There was a brief pause. "You guys aren't characters, but you are being… insulted I guess is the word."

"No. I hadn't noticed," Storm said sarcastically. Beta spread her hands apologetically.

"You might want to suggest to your readers that they use the character profile on Rick Riordan's website, under 'about the author' and then 'writing tips'. It's long, but it's very useful for believable characters."

"Uh-huh." storm-brain made a note of that.

"Also, you might want to tell them to give their characters one flaw- it can be hyperness or obsessive love of chocolate or obesity," the muse recited. "In order to prevent Sue-ishness."

Storm continued writing. "Uh-huh."

"Oh, and OC plots." Beta paused. "Kid-goes-to-camp-and-gets-quest is kind of cliché. It's overdone to the extreme. What about, oh, camper lives at camp and runs away-"

"I already did that," storm-brain frowned. "I also covered the Titans taking over the world, but that needs a rewrite. So I guess people could write about the Titans taking over if they really wanted to. But people need to think of their own ideas."

"Put that in all caps," Beta advised.

(PEOPLE NEED TO THINK OF THEIR OWN, UNIQUE, CREATIVE IDEAS THAT PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER INSTEAD OF OVERUSED PLOTS!!!)

"Also, stick with one point of view." Beta paused. "And don't insult the Veritas just because they flamed you."

"Ooh. I like that last one." Storm circled something on her list. "I will also have to mention the stupidity of troll fics."

"Knowing trolls, they won't do anything about it but flame you," Beta laughed. "But you can tell people about how the Veritas are really trying to _help_. I think most of them-" Storm snorted loudly "-are trying to help. But make sure to tell people that revenge flames just start a flame war. And fanfiction doesn't have a volunteer fire department."

"Of course not. To get VFD you'd need to go to the Series of Unfortunate Events archive."

"Oh ha ha."

"And this _is_ my last fanfic. Are you clear?" Storm said loudly as Beta's outline flickered, then started to fade. "You got that?" She said louder.

The last thing she caught before Beta Reader vanished completely was "Maybe… and maybe not."

____________

***anyone who can identify this song gets a full CC on a one-shot. Like, paragraphs and stuff.**

-Storm


End file.
